I will be commenting on my friend writing. Here i found out the thing that she can improve for her next writing and the good quality of her writing that she can maintain in her writing.

• She used first person point of view which can make the reader sort of connected to her story. LIKED.
• The language is quiet simple and easy to read and understood well. LIKED.
• The paragraph is too short and not briefly explain the situation or the glint of the story. 
• I think she can create more interesting paragraph if she choose to writing the different genres.
• The used of punctuation marks can be improved because some sentence used too much comas.
• Overall, she will do a great good job if she had enough time to finish her writing because she has a good story line.  =)